8/17/12

insecurities

Reading this post from this website (which is great, by the way) was yet another solid reminder for me.

You may or may not know this, but insecurity is a big part of my story. Insecurities ran my life for as long as I can remember. Until, that is, something clicked. Slowly but surely, I started letting God, instead of my insecurities, rule my life.

This is a success story, I promise. But to be honest, I'm not 100% better now. In fact, sometimes I come very close to slipping back into the deadly spirals of self-deprecation and hatred. Shutting down completely is soooo tempting, these days especially. The only thing I can do to keep from falling backwards is to cry out to God. Cry out to him to hold me up. He is a wonderful, faithful, gracious God.

Despite the continuous struggle, can I tell you that where God has brought me today is truly a miracle compared to where I used to be? Sometimes I forget what that was like. Most of the time I block out the memories of total frustration from loathing myself, or the memories of tears and wanting to believe what people told me, but knowing that I could never value myself the way they valued me. When I remember where I have been, I also remember how God faithful God has been over the years. I am so thankful that he has chosen me to be his own, and that this gaping hole in my heart is filled in him. Ah! Not to mention when I get distracted or get off track, he loves me enough to do what he has to do to get me back on track.

What a great God =]

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2 comments:

  1. ah, fear, once again rearing its ugly head in my life...
    "Insecurity is fear. Fear that we aren’t good enough for anyone or anything. Fear that we do not measure up in some way. It’s a fear that His perfect love can cast out and away (1 Jn 4:18)"
    thank you for this post and sharing the article. i can definitely relate.

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  2. I don't think it ever really sinks into me how seriously people can struggle with this. I know I can see bits of in my own life though in certain ways. As a guy it can hit in some slightly different angles, especially in the "am I really capable at work/provision" thing(not sure how much girls struggle with that kind of stuff).

    "He kicks insecurity in the teeth with His everlasting promises and truth." I really like this line from that article. I wish I could say that I really prayed at the start of every day to remember God's promises and for His truth to drive into my heart.

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