After over a year of struggling with sadness and depression for reasons I can't really place, I'm finally feeling like myself again.
But not exactly the same "myself" as a couple years ago. Last year I would try to figure out why I was sad all the time, and think back to when I was so excited about life and wonder how I could get back to that. About halfway into my year of what-the-heck-is-happening-to-me? I realized and accepted that I was never going to go back to whoever I thought I was a few years ago. Life changes you and helps you grow and no matter how much I want to be the "excited, passionate, happy Suzie" everyone perceived me to be back then, I can't stay that person forever. I mean, I'm not a totally different person, either. I still get excited about the silliest stuff, I'm still passionate about many things, and I am often still happy.
Maybe I've just been learning that life has different seasons and these seasons help you grow. They help you work for what really matters to you (even if a lot of the time that work is holding onto this tiny little thread of hope) and help you realize more of who you are. Some seasons straight up suck, but so long as you surround yourself with people who love you through it all and hold onto that tiny little thread of hope for dear life, that season will eventually end, and another season will come, and you'll take life a season at a time and learn and grow as you go.
So I'm finally feeling like myself - but a slightly modified "myself," if you will. I'll take it.